bored

boring, boredness, bored, tiring, tired, tiredness, complication, sad, and sadness... is bothering me... sigh.. anyone can define the meaning of love? love.. love from family, love from friends, and love from soul mate... from my 19 years of living in this world, i felt the feeling of love for only 9 years and after that the feeling of love had gone.. mum's love.. very precious to me.. since then.. i did not find any love between me and my family... i wanna feel loved and belonged.. i can say that although i had been in a relationship before... but all of it were bullshits.. and i dont think those love are real ones... only faking it.. after my previous relationship.. i dun really believe in love from soul mate... (just now oni la.. in future stil dunno yet). love from friends? perhaps yes.. but mayb its just a short term love only.. some may say.. friends are for "using" only.. i may agree on that but not totally... to me.. when i have problems, i will go to them and otherwise, when they have problems, they can come to me.. its actually we're gaining trust from each other so that they wont betray the trust of our friendship.. sigh.. mayb to me.. my family's love to me is intangible? i dont know.. because i have not overcome the feeling of love.. I NEED LOVE!!!